Listening to Dr. Sam Adeyemi’s podcast some days ago, I heard him say that “inside every experience is a principle that controls that experience. So, by just following the principles, you can recreate an experience over and over again.”
By the same token, inside every problem is an instruction, which if imbibed will ensure that such a problem does not reoccur.
How deep!
See, problems are not just problems. They are tutorials. Hidden in them are the seeds that can birth better experiences and more favorable outcomes.
If you see problems between you and your spouse as just problems, you will be missing out on a big opportunity to learn from them.
This is the reason why couples keep having the same problems, arguing over the same issues, and falling out over the same matter repeatedly. Their interactions become a never-ending cycle of unresolved matters.
What it takes to avoid that same problem is embedded in it. What is required to have a better experience, given the same circumstances, is present in the problem. But only to the discerning.
So how does this work, practically?
✍🏽 Agree that your problems emanate from a root of misunderstanding each other’s motives and intentions. So that means your approach to tackling the disagreement must be aimed at seeking to understand where your partner is coming from and what their genuine motivation is.
✍🏽 Do an honest appraisal by yourself and for yourself. How have your previous intense disagreements played out; especially the repeated ones?
✍🏽 Deliberately look out for the tipping point in your previous conversations with your partner. What triggered them? What worsened the matter? How did you proceed with them that fueled the situation negatively?
✍🏽 Your sincere evaluation if properly done, should lead you to the realization of what approach of yours doesn’t work. What method of yours worsens matters. What reaction or attitude of yours is counter-productive, etc.
✍🏽 Instead of seeing difficult or tense moments between you as an opportunity to be proved right or to retaliate, be on the lookout for the seeds of a solution contained in that situation. That way, the next time such a situation presents itself, you will stick to the principles you have learned that will ensure that you enjoy a better experience this time around.
It is not enough to learn what works. Also, learn what doesn’t work and avoid it.
HOT TIP:
Treat every problem as a learning curve. Don’t waste your experiences.
If you missed this Instagram Live on Communication, here is the link replay. It will be well worth your time, I assure you.
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Rooting For Your Marital Success,
Dele Bamgboye
