After the last edition, I received a few beautiful, heart-warming responses from some people about their relationships with their in-laws. That just goes to prove that in-law relationships don’t have to be difficult.
Truth be told, some in-laws (not all), can be overbearing at times. It is not unusual to see some of them imposing their views on their children’s marriages, excluding their children’s spouses, being overbearing and generally meddlesome, either directly or indirectly.
The result of this is that the affected marriages go through stressful seasons and conflict that affects their ability to carry on cordially in other areas of their relationships.
So here are a few proven guidelines that will help you navigate this dicey terrain.
So here are a few proven guidelines that will help you navigate this dicey terrain:
- First and foremost, remember that both of you are on the same team. You must handle all matters from that standpoint, including relating with your in-laws. Handle your in-laws together.
- See your spouse’s family as your family too. It will help your perspective and how you relate with them.
- Remember that once married, your first allegiance is to your spouse. That must not be compromised no matter what. Your spouse and children come first. That is God’s order (After all, you are one flesh with only your husband or wife).
- Both of you must operate in agreement on all important issues. Have a conversation and come to a conclusion about what is in the best interest of your marriage and relationship. Agree on BOUNDARIES for your families. Lines that must not be crossed by anyone, in order to maintain the peace of your marriage.
- Then each person should present that agreed conclusion (on any matter that arises) to YOUR OWN family members. Let them know this is what BOTH OF YOU would like. Not “my husband prefers…” or “you know my wife does not want… .”
- It’s also preferable that each of you addresses/corrects issues of concern with YOUR OWN family members. Don’t leave your spouse to defend himself/herself before your family.
- Very importantly, respect and honor your in-laws at all times. Cultivate and build a personal relationship with them apart from your spouse; ( I usually recommend this to pre-marital couples too).
Let it be clear that despite their own shortcomings, you do love and cherish them like your own. Call/ chat with them often to check on them. Give them gifts. Take an interest in their interests. Support their causes etc.
- Be considerate. Be patient. Depending on the peculiar dynamic that may have existed in your spouse’s family over time, it may require a process to undo the familiar and embrace a new approach. Give it time and watch your own attitude in the meantime.
- Whatever you do, avoid putting your spouse in a position where they will have to choose between you and their family!
- Don’t alienate your in-laws. If they sense that you do not like them or want them around, that will make matters worse for you.
- Pray for your in-laws! This is one of the important points in the feedback I got from the last edition. Prayer works!
Quick Reminder:
Your in-laws are your children’s blood relatives!!!
You too will be a mother-in-law or father-in-law someday!!!
Do you have a burning in-law matter that you need help with? I can help you. Let’s talk.
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Rooting For Your Marital Success,
Dele Bamgboye
