I am a morning person. I go to bed early and wake up quite early. By 8 am on any given day, I would have been awake for a couple of hours, and gotten so much work done. I would have communed with God, set my day in order, and done some reading or writing.
My husband on the other hand is a night owl. His best hours are the night season. We realized early in our marriage that we would have to meet each other halfway regarding our times of focused interaction like praying together, discussing, planning together, etc
So, without insisting on our individual timelines alone, we work our joint schedules around our individual preferences, taking into consideration each other’s differences.
It’s called compromise.
No marriage can thrive without it.
I’m sure you’ll agree with me that you and your spouse are different in many ways.
Whether it be the mundane, like food or colour preferences, or issues like beliefs, political leanings, entertainment, and sports choices, if not properly handled, these could lead to sharp disagreements or even worse.
Compromise is all about meeting each other halfway in your interactions ( habits, desires, etc).
It is finding common ground that takes into account each person’s needs, peculiarities and options.
It includes deciding on things like hobbies, agreeing on how to live together day to day, how to spend time together, spend money, get chores done, raise children, relate with in-laws, and so forth.
The need for learning to compromise in marriage becomes all the more pertinent in the light of differing needs, feelings, concerns, and desires. All of these have to be put into consideration in building a united entity and operating as a team.
WHAT DOES HEALTHY COMPROMISE IN MARRIAGE LOOK LIKE?
- Both parties consistently give up something willingly in order to come to an agreement. So it is not one-sided where only one person concedes all the time.
- Both parties are willing to creatively brainstorm agreeable options.
- The overall goal is the good of the relationship.
- There is free, open, non-confrontational communication where each person feels heard and understood because thoughts, feelings, and concerns have been laid on the table.
- There is empathy, where you see things from the other person’s view and put yourself in their shoes.
- It is not a winner-loser proposition. It is a win-win situation all the time because it is never about selfish desires.
- Mutually beneficial outcomes characterize healthy compromise.
Hot Tip:
The need for peace, not the need to get your way, should matter most to you. The end goal of compromise is peace; priceless peace!
- Are there things to never compromise?
- How does compromise work practically?
…to be continued in the next edition.
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Rooting For Your Marital Success,
Dele Bamgboye
