Happy New Year 2024! I pray that you and your marriage/relationship will blossom and enjoy more satisfying interactions throughout this year.
Meticulous car owners have one thing in common: they do the due diligence of checking all relevant indices to make sure their cars are road-worthy.
They ensure there is enough fuel/gas in the car, and also keep an eye on the indicators that give advanced warning that something may be out of order.
As we proceed in this new year, May I challenge you to also do the due diligence of paying attention to ensure that your relationship with your partner is on track?
As many people are used to doing, don’t wait until there’s a crisis, an outburst, a breakdown in communication, a tense atmosphere, etc before you get on guard.
Most times, full-blown crises and stalemates happen because of negligence over time. There were telltale signs. They were warning signals. Some relational indicator lights had come on for a while, but most couples remained undiscerning. Thus a conflagration took place one day and everyone was shocked, asking ‘why? What happened?’😁
So, what are some metrics, indices, and sequences of events that you must never ignore, as they are pointers to looming crises, if unaddressed?
🚫 Constant fault-finding and bitter criticism from either party. Being preoccupied with each other’s shortcomings all the time is a warning signal that all is not well with your relationship.
✅ To do: Look out for their positive side and focus on it more. Choose to commend more than you condemn. This is such an amazing game-changer, as it has the ability to shift your relationship dynamic in the right direction.
🚫 Stonewalling/ silent treatment. Refusing to engage with your partner. Refusing to communicate and address bogging issues. Intentionally shutting down during disagreements. Creating an emotional distance between the two of you. This can be very harmful to say the least.
✅ To do: Refrain from wanting to be manipulative through your withdrawal. Instead, draw your spouse closer by asking them questions aimed at making them feel heard and validated. Then, find the right time and spot to bring up your concerns in a non-threatening manner.
🚫 Unspoken resentment. It’s normal for your spouse to step on your toes sometimes; mostly unknowingly. It’s natural to feel angry sometimes. It is however dangerous to build a list of their wrongs and have an imaginary black book containing a list of their missteps. This is what breeds resentment over time.
✅ To do: Remind yourself that like you, your spouse means well but is human! They act based on their level of knowledge per time. Be vulnerable and let them know your needs and expectations from them in the relationship.
All couples have struggles from time to time. Therefore see your relationship as a work in progress, and be determined to work at it.
Note:
You may need the help of a trained professional/ counselor to deal with some of these issues, especially if there have been several failed attempts in the past.
HOT TIP:
Be deliberate about uprooting little weeds of discord before they grow into huge forests of disaster!
…to be continued in the next edition.
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Rooting For Your Marital Success,
Dele Bamgboye
