Sometimes when in my husband’s company I observe that he’s pensive and kind of zoned out in deep thought, I tease him by saying “A penny for your thoughts!”
To this, he always responds tongue-in-cheek “A penny? Nah. I’m sorry but my thoughts are not that cheap.”😁😂🤣
Cheap or not, our thoughts play a significant role in how our relationships play out.
The tendency is to let your thoughts run riot by indulging them in every way. Allowing your thoughts to go unchecked will be terribly inimical to a flourishing relationship with your spouse.
How so?
If you allow how you feel to dictate how you think, there will always be tension and unresolved issues in your relationship.
Unfortunately, this is the mindset many couples have: that they need to wait for their feelings to change for the better first before they can start to take charge of their thoughts positively.
This however is the right progression: your thinking influences your actions, and your actions influence your feelings.
So if for example your spouse offends you and you feel deeply hurt, you will find it hard to forgive them, move past the event, and be reconciled with them if you are waiting for your feelings to change towards them first.
What you need to do is to check your thoughts. Resist the temptation to keep rehearsing the painful events, replaying the bitter exchange of words and unwholesome behaviour in your mind over and over.
That’s because doing that will take a toll on how you feel. Your feelings will not dissolve and make you want to reconcile with your spouse. At all!
Not until you do something about your thoughts. Someone said, “Thought is action in rehearsal.” That is so true!
Aren’t we all guilty of jumping to conclusions about our partners’ actions simply because we keep holding on to the thought that they are hurting us deliberately?
The way out is outlined clearly thus:
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8).
Whenever your thoughts begin to spiral out of control because you are unhappy with your spouse’s action or inaction, ask yourself the following questions:
- Is it True (are you sure your spouse is deliberately trying to hurt you or could it be that they are unaware?)
- Is it Honorable (what are the things about your spouse that you are truly proud of?)
- Is it Right (in alignment with God and His word)?
- Is it Pure (ethical and morally upright )?
- Is it Lovely (beautiful and pleasant )?
- Is it Admirable (would you be happy for your kids to emulate them)?
- Is it Excellent (focus on areas where the spouse excels)?
- Is it Worthy of praise (would it help others praise your spouse)?
Please NOTE that this does not in any way take the place of open, honest, and non-threatening conversation where bugging issues are discussed.
Hot Tip:
Deliberately train your mind to focus on your spouse’s admirable qualities and actions. Think about what you’re thinking about!
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Rooting For Your Marital Success,
Dele Bamgboye
